When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all fans are created equal(except for Senators fans, see 3/5th's rule), that they are endowed by their creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are being able are watching hockey, reading about hockey and to do so on our schedule independent of labour disputes. That to secure these rights, hockey leagues are instituted among men, deriving their just dollars from the consent of the fanbase - That when any league or players association becomes destructive of these ends it is the Right of the People to alter or abolish them and to institute a new hockey league laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form as to them to seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that the National Hockey League should not be changed for light and transient causes and accordingly all experience hath shewn that fans are presupposed to suffer while evils are sufferable(see Ballard, Harold) than by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurptions pursuing invariably the same object(lockouts in '94 and '04 and probably in two weeks) evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism it is their right, their duty, to throw off the NHL and NHLPA and to provide new guards for their future security. Such has been the patient sufferance of these hockey fans, Winnipeg in particular, and such now is the necessity that constrains them to alter their former allegiance to these jerkwads. The history of the present King of Great Britain Commissioner of the National Hockey League is a history of repeated injuries and usurptions all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over the Good Ol' Hockey Game. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world:
- He will have locked out the players three times
- He has put teams in Phoenix, Miami and Columbus for some reason
- He allowed the Whalers and Nordiques to be removed, and the Stars and Jets be replaced by lamer versions of their former selves
- He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.
- He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
- He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them
*The last three were just C&P'd but they kind of apply, no?
- For failing to realize that the cancellation of the hockey season will lead to time spent in self-examination or, worse, spent talking to wives and/or girlfriends.
- Seriously, bring back the Whalers.
In every stage of these oppressions we have internet petitioned for redress in the most humble terms. Our repeated internet petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince Commish who whose character is thus marked by by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to lead a multi-billion dollar industry that lords over a free people group of suckers such as ourselves.
Nor have we been wanting in our attention to the players and the owners. We buy their overpriced tickets and beers. We buy their jerseys and pretend not to notice they're mainly all kind of d-bags. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity(alright, so that C&P doesn't work). They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the CFL, as only something to watch when there's really nothing else to do.
We, therefore, the Representatives of the united Hockey Fans of the world, staring at our computer screens in our underpants assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the World(Brendan Shanahan?) for the rectitude of our intentions do in the name and authority of the good people who would rather not have to watch basketball in the winter, solemnly publish and declare that we fans are independent of the NHL and the players association, are free to be consumers of other sports leagues and hockey games, and that all connection between us is severed(until 15 minutes after you reach a deal, at which point Yay Leafs, boo Habs!) and as free and independent people who aren't shackled to the tyranny of HNIC or the NHL's centre ice package are free to go outside, enjoy nature, actually play a game of hockey ourselves and enrich our lives with physical and spiritual pursuits that will make us healthier, happier and more productive and charitable members of our communities(I mean, we won't, but we're free to). And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor(Except Flyers fans, Screw the lot of you)
Sincerely,
Nik Jefferson
. We could post a link on every social networks sites. Just tired being unheard hockey fan .They treat us like we are like crackheads and that we will keep coming back for more
