The Anonymous Confessions Thread

[WhatIfGodWasALeaf]

I saw this idea on another forum that might be cool to try here.

Here's how it works. I want your dirtiest, most perverse, most shameful confessions(within reason on a family site). I want stuff that you haven't told ANYONE, things that would make your poor sweet grandmother regret every cookie she made your disgusting self. Or just something that you feel guilty or weird about that you'd like to get off of your chest.

You can send it to me, via email at tmlfansconfessions@gmail.com (or PM it to me if you don't care if I know who it came from) and I will post it in this thread, completely anonymously.

If you don't want me to have your email address, set up a disposable gmail or hotmail or whatever to send me your story. No one will know who sent what, but we'll all get to laugh/puke/whatever else, to the strange confessions of the TMLFans posters.

Have fun folks and please do share!

Eventually, once others have shared, I'll share some too, anonymously of course.

 

[Bender]

Oh dear god.... I just thought of one, but dear god no. God no.

 

[OldTimeHockey]

Sounds like someone has something to get off their chest.

 

[hockeyfan1]

I confess right now.... I don't have a clue where to begin! 

 

[WhatIfGodWasALeaf]

We have our first contributor...

I had this roommate for a while who didn't do anything at all. He just sat in his room and chatted on IRC. He wouldn't get a job, he was mean to his grandmother who raised him and made her send him money to pay his bills. He was fat, gross, and thought he was better than everyone else. I felt that he was a burden to everyone in his life. I fantasized about taking his life many times. I felt like i would have been doing everyone a favour. Sometimes, the things I'd think about were pretty gruesome. He doesn't live here anymore, but I still think about killing him sometimes.

I really think I could have pulled it off.

 

[dappleganger]

We have our first contributor...

I had this roommate for a while who didn't do anything at all. He just sat in his room and chatted on IRC. He wouldn't get a job, he was mean to his grandmother who raised him and made her send him money to pay his bills. He was fat, gross, and thought he was better than everyone else. I felt that he was a burden to everyone in his life. I fantasized about taking his life many times. I felt like i would have been doing everyone a favour. Sometimes, the things I'd think about were pretty gruesome. He doesn't live here anymore, but I still think about killing him sometimes.

I really think I could have pulled it off.

Awesome!

 

[WhatIfGodWasALeaf]

And another, keep them coming people.

Whenever I have to hire a new temp in my company, I solicit resume's from the Temp Agency, and hire based on which chick is the hottest after looking them up on Facebook.

 

[Bullfrog]

When i was 15, I stole a muffin from the Second Cup because I was tired of waiting in line. I just walked out and ate it.

Ya. A rebel.  8)

 

[moon111]

I had these two snotty sisters and their untied dog walk by my house all the time.  Their dog knew exactly how close he could get, inching past my tied-up dog.  One day they complained loud enough so they could be overheard, that the white trash should 'look' after their dog better, because he was barking as they strolled by.  I walked around the corner...grabbed the axe and amazing enough, my dog broke his rope...

 

[dappleganger]

And another, keep them coming people.

Whenever I have to hire a new temp in my company, I solicit resume's from the Temp Agency, and hire based on which chick is the hottest after looking them up on Facebook.

I approve your employment methods.

 

[sucka]

In my teens, my neighbour and I were getting really tired of people's dogs crap on our lawns and walking away, especially since there was a hydro field around the corner.  One day I caught someone's dog in the act and found out where they lived.  I went around, picking up some extra turds thinking of depositing them on their lawn/driveway with a note of explanation, but saw that there was a car with it's rear window slightly open.  Quickly emptied the bag through the window and ran.  To this day, i feel really bad.... that I forgot to drop the note in too.

 

[Rick C.]

Jehovah's Witness used to be a regular occurrence at our door.  I'd get a little nasty, tell them never to come back, only to see them about 4 or so weeks later.  This was a pattern.

The last time they came, I brought my 150 lb Newf dog to the door.  Now he's the most gentle dog you'll ever see, but he gets really happy and struggles to get past me to see who's at the door.

This time, I grabbed the dog by the collar, let him keep jumping towards the JW (little did they know he just wanted to get a hug), and I said to them "I'm give you a 3 second headstart before I let go of my dog".  I don't think they even touched the 3 stairs up to our porch.  And never saw them again, I might add.

 

[LittleHockeyFan]

Angus is such a good good boy!

 

[Champ Kind]

Jehovah's Witness used to be a regular occurrence at our door.  I'd get a little nasty, tell them never to come back, only to see them about 4 or so weeks later.  This was a pattern.

The last time they came, I brought my 150 lb Newf dog to the door.  Now he's the most gentle dog you'll ever see, but he gets really happy and struggles to get past me to see who's at the door.

This time, I grabbed the dog by the collar, let him keep jumping towards the JW (little did they know he just wanted to get a hug), and I said to them "I'm give you a 3 second headstart before I let go of my dog".  I don't think they even touched the 3 stairs up to our porch.  And never saw them again, I might add.

Fellow Newf owner.  My big boy just turned 1 yesterday, and is weighing in at 115lbs.  I think he's got a few more to go...

 

[Rick C.]

Jehovah's Witness used to be a regular occurrence at our door.  I'd get a little nasty, tell them never to come back, only to see them about 4 or so weeks later.  This was a pattern.

The last time they came, I brought my 150 lb Newf dog to the door.  Now he's the most gentle dog you'll ever see, but he gets really happy and struggles to get past me to see who's at the door.

This time, I grabbed the dog by the collar, let him keep jumping towards the JW (little did they know he just wanted to get a hug), and I said to them "I'm give you a 3 second headstart before I let go of my dog".  I don't think they even touched the 3 stairs up to our porch.  And never saw them again, I might add.

Fellow Newf owner.  My big boy just turned 1 yesterday, and is weighing in at 115lbs.  I think he's got a few more to go...

Ahh, very nice!  Angus is likely a little closer to 140.  He's 11 years old - very old for newfs.  We were lucky - he's considered a 'dry mouth', meaning he only drools about 1/2 as much as the average newf.

Congrats - 1 yr old?  He's got another 50-75 lbs to go