Depression and Anxiety
- Thread starter sucka
- Start date
You know, I always wonder how many people out there are suffering as well...how many people are putting on the act that everything is ok. I, too, have been fighting depression for several years but it took a much larger turn for the worse a few years ago.
At the time I was in the middle of building a business, running a large open source project online, and had a lot on the go. Not really sure what triggered it or what happened but it was a rapid decline.
I ended up getting out of my business, got divorced, and basically hid away and tried to deal with everything. It was, and is, a very lonely place to be in. Nobody really understands what you're going through or what it is like unless they have been there. I felt as though everyone that should be there for me had abandoned me.
It still comes and goes and is quite bad as of the last couple of months but meh, what am I going to do. Switched from Effexor to it's new form or whatever called Pristiq and have never really had many side effects but I can definitely feel a difference when I am taking something versus not.
Reading Ricks ordeal has helped in a way. He's always someone I thought very highly of and for him to be public about what he is going through I always felt took a lot of courage. At the same time, I hope you find some peace in there Rick - your summer has been rough
At the time I was in the middle of building a business, running a large open source project online, and had a lot on the go. Not really sure what triggered it or what happened but it was a rapid decline.
I ended up getting out of my business, got divorced, and basically hid away and tried to deal with everything. It was, and is, a very lonely place to be in. Nobody really understands what you're going through or what it is like unless they have been there. I felt as though everyone that should be there for me had abandoned me.
It still comes and goes and is quite bad as of the last couple of months but meh, what am I going to do. Switched from Effexor to it's new form or whatever called Pristiq and have never really had many side effects but I can definitely feel a difference when I am taking something versus not.
Reading Ricks ordeal has helped in a way. He's always someone I thought very highly of and for him to be public about what he is going through I always felt took a lot of courage. At the same time, I hope you find some peace in there Rick - your summer has been rough
maplesyrup
New member
Rick said:
What about a dog?
A) While they can be stressful, I can't manage my life without one. The joy they bring more than makes up for the odd fit they can cause.
B) The commitment to needing to walk one will get you out for that 20/30 minutes a day.
Nothing like sittin' on the couch with a beer and the ole family mut.
BlueWhiteBlood
New member
Rick said:
All I can say, is that you have to go very slow when coming off of them, perhaps I went too quick and just wanted off.
I agree with Floyd, that having animals will help in a lot of different ways, not just having to take him out for a walk and care for it. Labrador's are wonderful listeners ;D
maplesyrup
New member
BlueWhiteBlood said:
I have a yellow lab... and she's wonderful.
There are many situations where pets are used therapeutically.Floyd said:
All aside - I wish all contributors to the thread my best - it is very courageous to openly discuss topics such as this. Hopefully there is strength in numbers and some comfort in the support of other site members.
Everyone take care of yourselves.
BlueWhiteBlood
New member
Floyd said:
I had a chocolate, in the past and will own a Lab again, they are great dogs.
TheMightyOdin
New member
Dogs flat out kick ass.
Wendel's Fist
New member
I can totally relate to what people here are going through. I had my first panic attack when I was 11 years old. That was in the very early 80's. I've had a million of them since. Back when I had my first one, I'd never heard the term "panic attack" at all. Not the way you do today. I went to a doctor for it and didn't even know how to describe what I was feeling. I remember telling him that I felt like someone was chasing me with a knife but nobody's there and I can just feel that when watching tv. He told my mother that I physically had nothing wrong with me and that I'm probably just looking for attention. He told her that right in front of me too because I guess he thought that if he brought it out in the open, I'd stop doing it. I remember just staring at him and having this overwhelming feeling of depression come over me as I thought.........Jesus Christ, I'm never going to get any help for this.
People around you that don't suffer from anxiety or depression get frustrated with you and I can understand that. After awhile, they start to think........what the hell's wrong with him? Get over it already. I went from the age of 11 to 21 thinking that I was the only person in the world that had panic attacks so depression just went hand in hand with that. I can't describe how alone I felt during those years. I'd never heard the term "panic attack" until I was 21 in the early 90's. I'd try to describe what I was going through to friends but I'd always get that look of......you're insane..........back at me and so I got very good at hiding my anxiety. People didn't have a clue that I had it. I also started drinking alcohol at 14 because it helped the anxiety and I had no other options considering that my doctor couldn't even help. Alcohol helped for awhile but then it turns on you because you feel more anxious the next day when the withdrawal kicks in on top of your anxiety.
My anxiety and depression got so bad that I actually planned a day to kill myself. When I was 21, I was agoraphobic unless I was drunk, and depressed out of my mind about it. It was just getting worse and worse so I'd had enough and just thought to end it. My stepfather had guns for hunting so I was ready to just put a bullet through my head. I remember the day before, I said out loud.........."God, if you're out there, do something now because I'm out of time here." I didn't actually think anything would happen but thought I'd try anyway. The next day which would have been my last, my mom calls me up to help her go grocery shopping. She hurt her hand and couldn't carry anything so I went with her. I couldn't even stay in the store for too long because you always feel like every eye is on you when you have bad anxiety so I left and sat on a bench outside the store. It was in a mall. I sat watching people walk by and they all seemed so normal. I just kept thinking that I'll never know what that's like and had to keep my head down because it was just depressing the crap out of me. When I looked up, I noticed that I was sitting in front of a book store and there was a book in the window on sale called Hope And Help For Your Nerves by Dr. Claire Weekes. That sounded like exactly what I needed and so I bought the book. I got home that day and read it with the gun beside me. I can honestly say that that book saved my life and I'd recommend it, or anything by Dr. Claire Weekes, for anyone suffering from anxiety. Until I read that book, I'd had zero coping skills with anxiety other than............chug alcohol quickly, sober up, repeat.
I've had everything that anxiety can through at you. The heart palpitations, panic, feeling like you're in a dream, shaking, dizziness, going days without sleep, lump in the throat, shaking voice and all the other "fun" stuff. The depression that went along with it was exactly what sucka mentioned earlier in this thread. When you get to that hopeless level, it's really hard to get out of it. I haven't had a panic attack in over 10 years but still have lingering anxiety. What's frustrating with it all is I can go months without anxiety and then have a bad episode with it and it feels like I'm right back where I started but if you don't dwell on setbacks, it makes things a little easier.
Anyway, I really wanted to post this to maybe make someone else feel less alone and to mention the Claire Weekes book in case anyone who's suffering had never heard of it.
There's also a free progam out there that works well too. It's free but I think they take a $10 donation if you want a few extra downloads. I have nothing to do with the place and just wanted to mention it and I'm providing the link to it for anyone who might be interested.........
http://www.selftherapy.org/
Everybody's different and different things work for different people. There's very expensive anxiety programs out there which I think are a total rip off with price but have some good information in them as well. I mean one of them is I think 13 cd's and a booklet and they charge over $400.00 for it. Where the hell do they get their prices from? Did they hire Lady Ga Ga to narrate the thing? You can always find those programs for free the same way you might find a cd for free on the internet but you didn't hear that from me.
I think the main thing with getting over anxiety is to learn how to keep your mind calm because the rest follows. That's what drugs do for you anyway. They calm your mind so you body goes along with it.
Anyway, I apologize for how long this is and wish the best of luck to anyone who's going through anxiety and depression because I know the pit of despair that it can throw you into.
People around you that don't suffer from anxiety or depression get frustrated with you and I can understand that. After awhile, they start to think........what the hell's wrong with him? Get over it already. I went from the age of 11 to 21 thinking that I was the only person in the world that had panic attacks so depression just went hand in hand with that. I can't describe how alone I felt during those years. I'd never heard the term "panic attack" until I was 21 in the early 90's. I'd try to describe what I was going through to friends but I'd always get that look of......you're insane..........back at me and so I got very good at hiding my anxiety. People didn't have a clue that I had it. I also started drinking alcohol at 14 because it helped the anxiety and I had no other options considering that my doctor couldn't even help. Alcohol helped for awhile but then it turns on you because you feel more anxious the next day when the withdrawal kicks in on top of your anxiety.
My anxiety and depression got so bad that I actually planned a day to kill myself. When I was 21, I was agoraphobic unless I was drunk, and depressed out of my mind about it. It was just getting worse and worse so I'd had enough and just thought to end it. My stepfather had guns for hunting so I was ready to just put a bullet through my head. I remember the day before, I said out loud.........."God, if you're out there, do something now because I'm out of time here." I didn't actually think anything would happen but thought I'd try anyway. The next day which would have been my last, my mom calls me up to help her go grocery shopping. She hurt her hand and couldn't carry anything so I went with her. I couldn't even stay in the store for too long because you always feel like every eye is on you when you have bad anxiety so I left and sat on a bench outside the store. It was in a mall. I sat watching people walk by and they all seemed so normal. I just kept thinking that I'll never know what that's like and had to keep my head down because it was just depressing the crap out of me. When I looked up, I noticed that I was sitting in front of a book store and there was a book in the window on sale called Hope And Help For Your Nerves by Dr. Claire Weekes. That sounded like exactly what I needed and so I bought the book. I got home that day and read it with the gun beside me. I can honestly say that that book saved my life and I'd recommend it, or anything by Dr. Claire Weekes, for anyone suffering from anxiety. Until I read that book, I'd had zero coping skills with anxiety other than............chug alcohol quickly, sober up, repeat.
I've had everything that anxiety can through at you. The heart palpitations, panic, feeling like you're in a dream, shaking, dizziness, going days without sleep, lump in the throat, shaking voice and all the other "fun" stuff. The depression that went along with it was exactly what sucka mentioned earlier in this thread. When you get to that hopeless level, it's really hard to get out of it. I haven't had a panic attack in over 10 years but still have lingering anxiety. What's frustrating with it all is I can go months without anxiety and then have a bad episode with it and it feels like I'm right back where I started but if you don't dwell on setbacks, it makes things a little easier.
Anyway, I really wanted to post this to maybe make someone else feel less alone and to mention the Claire Weekes book in case anyone who's suffering had never heard of it.
There's also a free progam out there that works well too. It's free but I think they take a $10 donation if you want a few extra downloads. I have nothing to do with the place and just wanted to mention it and I'm providing the link to it for anyone who might be interested.........
http://www.selftherapy.org/
Everybody's different and different things work for different people. There's very expensive anxiety programs out there which I think are a total rip off with price but have some good information in them as well. I mean one of them is I think 13 cd's and a booklet and they charge over $400.00 for it. Where the hell do they get their prices from? Did they hire Lady Ga Ga to narrate the thing? You can always find those programs for free the same way you might find a cd for free on the internet but you didn't hear that from me.
I think the main thing with getting over anxiety is to learn how to keep your mind calm because the rest follows. That's what drugs do for you anyway. They calm your mind so you body goes along with it.
Anyway, I apologize for how long this is and wish the best of luck to anyone who's going through anxiety and depression because I know the pit of despair that it can throw you into.
maplesyrup
New member
Wow, heck of a story. Thanks for sharing.
McPwnage
New member
Wow it is hard to believe so many of you guys are going similar problems I've gone through. I always assume I am alone with my problems, it is nice to know I'm not alone. I wish everyone here the best and it may sound lame but I have found more recently that happiness is a choice and that has really helped me. Granted it isn't an easy choice it is a worthwhile one.
I must say I am astonished by the number of people that suffer so severely from these problems. I hope everyone the best.
I had some difficult emotional struggles with being gay, to the point of being just about incapacitated -- which was really the thing that forced me to come out. Once I did that, the problems were simply solved. Unfortunately, it sounds like not everyone has such an easy solution.
I had some difficult emotional struggles with being gay, to the point of being just about incapacitated -- which was really the thing that forced me to come out. Once I did that, the problems were simply solved. Unfortunately, it sounds like not everyone has such an easy solution.
Its funny the issued everyone goes through because everyone wants to come off like a highlight reel of awesome. Nobody wants to let others down, but its really quite a common issue, just we dont truly know. Its nice to know we can be authentic about this kind of thing on the board. It speaks to the quality of people here.
princedpw said:
I doubt it was that easy prince, though I understand why you say it that way. My cousin came out and had a similar experience as you but he waited an agonizingly long time because he couldn't bring himself to do it while our grandparents were alive. He lived at my house at that time and was a wreck. We called my living room 'the day room' as both he and I and another room mate were going through some pretty dark times.
We all made it through, thankfully.
Bullfrog
Active member
Bender said:
I can relate to that. Two of my darkest periods were in my last semester of high school and second year of college.
At mid-term in high school, I had a 52% in OAC english. By strange coincidence, this was the third class I had with a particular teacher, so he knew me well. I remember the interview. He basically flat out asked what the f*** was going on as I'd always been a straight A student. I didn't really say much as I didn't really know. All I knew was I didn't care about anything; school, friends, food, sports, nothing. I basically just shrugged as it's all I could do. Shortly after that, I had a period of feeling great. I finished with a 75% in the class, got the 2nd highest mark out of 60 students on the final essay and got the highest mark on the final exam. Similarly in college. I was taking a physics course that was evaluated on the combined scores of three exams. I got a 97% on the exam on pressures and forces, 37% on the thermal dynamics, and 95% on the electrical. The instructor had the same question as my high school teacher three years prior: "what the f*** happened?" He was especially confused by the fact that the three students I tutored in thermal dynamics got in the 70's.
It's amazing how a sickness (of any kind) can affect your ability to perform.
It's very difficult for those who haven't experienced it to understand. My brother is going through similar things due to a diagnosis of a very serious condition. We've talked about it a few times now and he's admitted that he can finally understand what I went/go through.
I'm thankful though, that lately the light days far outnumber the dark days. It used to be the other way around. Things haven't been great lately, but I think it's mostly just a genuine response to some tough times rather than my old depression.
I've battled depression since I was 20 years old when I was hospitalized during my last year or college for about a week. Didn't ever get medicated till about 3 years ago and it's been an on going fight since then. At it's worst I suffer from severe insomnia and just have no will to want to socialize or leave my apartment which to begin with I have always been a person who keeps to himself alot since I've been a teenager.
I honestly have a hard time talking about it with people in my life just because I have had a bad experience when sharing my problem with a former friend who knew of my depression problems and started harassing me making references that I should kill myself, cut my wrists etc.
Seems lately though after several med changes things have been going well. Plus making the effort to get in touch with friends more and get out of the house seems to help me.
I honestly have a hard time talking about it with people in my life just because I have had a bad experience when sharing my problem with a former friend who knew of my depression problems and started harassing me making references that I should kill myself, cut my wrists etc.
Seems lately though after several med changes things have been going well. Plus making the effort to get in touch with friends more and get out of the house seems to help me.
I am very curious about the various medication that some of you are taking. I am very afraid of going on them...not quite sure why. Perhaps it is my experience with what I am sure were pyschosomatic responses from my condition and that the drugs will serve as a reminder that there is something wrong with me. I am also scared of the side effects...will it destroy my family? Could it make it worse? I know you may have to find the right combination and it can be trial and error. I would rather be at 75% than risk going back into that hellhole state...nothing frightens me more than that prospect. But lately my anxiety is taking a turn for the worse but thankfully without the depression. I can deal with anything as long as the depressive state is not there. But the medication is something I probably should research if worse comes to worse.
I found it quite useless and in fact maybe even counterproductive to talk to my wife or parents about it. They just didn't understand and would suggest my life was too good and I had no worries and was just the being an ungrateful and bored, spoiled person. They couldn't be further from the truth as I worried about alot of things. I know for a fact that i don't get bored, as I am not an outgoing person and prefer to be home although I am by no means am I agoraphobic. I had to hide my stash of lorazepam as my wife threw them out as I took one in front of her. I have this one last bottle of 6-7 pills i raided from my dads medicine cabinet. He used it when he had to give speeches, amd hes now rtired so he doesnt need it. I treat them like gold cuz like someone previously said knowing it's there and that it works, is sometimes what keeps it from being bad.
Recently wE had an argument and I told her I'm giving in cuz I can't argue anymore due to my nerves being totally shot from the anxiety and chest tightness I've been experiecing lately. They just dont seem to realize the extent of the suffering involved and almost directly accuse me of making excuses to be treated with kid gloves. I think that is one reason sufferors of depression and anxiety tend to suffer alone.
I found it quite useless and in fact maybe even counterproductive to talk to my wife or parents about it. They just didn't understand and would suggest my life was too good and I had no worries and was just the being an ungrateful and bored, spoiled person. They couldn't be further from the truth as I worried about alot of things. I know for a fact that i don't get bored, as I am not an outgoing person and prefer to be home although I am by no means am I agoraphobic. I had to hide my stash of lorazepam as my wife threw them out as I took one in front of her. I have this one last bottle of 6-7 pills i raided from my dads medicine cabinet. He used it when he had to give speeches, amd hes now rtired so he doesnt need it. I treat them like gold cuz like someone previously said knowing it's there and that it works, is sometimes what keeps it from being bad.
Recently wE had an argument and I told her I'm giving in cuz I can't argue anymore due to my nerves being totally shot from the anxiety and chest tightness I've been experiecing lately. They just dont seem to realize the extent of the suffering involved and almost directly accuse me of making excuses to be treated with kid gloves. I think that is one reason sufferors of depression and anxiety tend to suffer alone.
Wendel's Fist
New member
Sucka, lorazepam is a benzodiazepine and isn't something that you can just stop and say...........ok, I'll function fine now. You have to weed off of it slowly because it is addictive. Cut whatever you have in half and just go through your day as if you didn't cut the pills.
It's not that big a deal anyway because I'll give you a scenario..............say the two of us were sitting around and watching a hockey game and I turned to you and said........have a panic attack. Make your hands shake more than they ever have before and feel more anxious than you ever have in your life because I want to see how bad you have it. Make your heart skip beats too. Right now.
Would you be able to do it? You damn well know you wouldn't because if you want anxiety to happen, it doesn't.
People like us are so worried about doing anything because of the pressure of anxiety and yet we can't even get anxiety to happen when it's pressured on us.
How f'd up is that?
We spend our lives sitting around in fear because it's something you don't want to happen. The second you want it to, it isn't there for you. Kind of like a friend that sucka's off you all your life and isn't there when you need them.
Shift your thinking from being afraid of anxiety to asking it to do more because you need it to. When you do that, anxiety shrinks like a penis after a swim in the Arctic Ocean.
Pick up the book I mentioned..........Hope and Help for your Nerves by Dr. Claire Weekes. I don?t know if you?ve read it yet but it?s pretty good.
I hit something on my keyboard that turned it to french and it?s too late to give a shit. I don?t even know how to get it back. Damn Quebec and everyone that lives there.
It's not that big a deal anyway because I'll give you a scenario..............say the two of us were sitting around and watching a hockey game and I turned to you and said........have a panic attack. Make your hands shake more than they ever have before and feel more anxious than you ever have in your life because I want to see how bad you have it. Make your heart skip beats too. Right now.
Would you be able to do it? You damn well know you wouldn't because if you want anxiety to happen, it doesn't.
People like us are so worried about doing anything because of the pressure of anxiety and yet we can't even get anxiety to happen when it's pressured on us.
How f'd up is that?
We spend our lives sitting around in fear because it's something you don't want to happen. The second you want it to, it isn't there for you. Kind of like a friend that sucka's off you all your life and isn't there when you need them.
Shift your thinking from being afraid of anxiety to asking it to do more because you need it to. When you do that, anxiety shrinks like a penis after a swim in the Arctic Ocean.
Pick up the book I mentioned..........Hope and Help for your Nerves by Dr. Claire Weekes. I don?t know if you?ve read it yet but it?s pretty good.
I hit something on my keyboard that turned it to french and it?s too late to give a shit. I don?t even know how to get it back. Damn Quebec and everyone that lives there.