Depression and Anxiety

[Highlander]

I don't know how available this will be to most people, but the company I work for just signed up with workhealthlife.com, an Employee and Family Assistance Program (EFAP). At no cost to the employee (and pretty nominal for the employer), they and their dependents get app level access to resources and direct communication with medical professionals for just about anything health, stress, anxiety, nutrition, legal advice, addiction -related.

Herman you actually work for a living, I thought you were hard wired to TML and The Athletic? 

 

[Highlander]

Very sad to see Antony Bourdain commit suicide, last guy on the planet I thought would do it. Again how much do we know anyone?
Must say I absolutely loved his show, his books and actually crossed paths with him once.  :'(

 

[Bullfrog]

There is so much to unpack in this article, but it explains my brain in such a lucid (and vivid) manner. The author makes a good point about the sensationalism around a celebrity's death and the subsequent and fervent calls to action that follow. But for others, the thoughts of suicide (in my and the author's case), are chronic, yet passive. It's not "I want to kill myself", it's "I don't want to live."

The Outline: I am not always very attached to being alive; Anna Borges

I wish there was a nicer way to say this, but I don?t always want to be alive. Right now, I don?t actively want to kill myself ? I don?t have a plan, I don?t check the majority of the boxes on lists of warning signs of suicide, I have a life I enjoy and I?m curious about the future ? but the fact remains, I don?t always feel strongly about being alive and sometimes, on particularly bad days, I truly want to die.

Because I can manage it [chronic, passive suicidal ideation], and the ocean is nice sometimes. The sun comes out and the current calms, and I can find peace in the drifting. Maybe there isn?t hope of land in the distance; maybe sometimes there is. Maybe that?s not the point.

Perhaps what I?m looking for isn?t land at all, but other people out here with me. Trying, and treading, and learning to live in the water.

One factor in my life story living with depression is the lack of social connectedness. It's an issue that pervades our modern society. Loneliness in such a technologically connected world is a plague. I can't tell you how important participating in tmlfans.ca is to my life. It's a means for me to connect. I've never met a single person in real life from this site, but I've had casual conversations and discussions for almost 20 years now.

Here's "In a Nutshell" describing loneliness:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3Xv_g3g-mA

Reach out. Stay strong.

 

[herman]

Thanks for sharing so vulnerably, Bullfrog.

 

[Bender]

Very sad to see Antony Bourdain commit suicide, last guy on the planet I thought would do it. Again how much do we know anyone?
Must say I absolutely loved his show, his books and actually crossed paths with him once.  :'(

I know this is late, but I loved him, he was by far my favourite TV personality today and one of my favourite all time. Seemed like such a cool, true, authentic guy. Unfortunately after reading Kitchen Confidential and later Medium Raw you could see that there was always a chance of something like this happening (he idolized Hunter S Thompson when he was young) and while he seemed to have gotten his life back on track sometimes something just pushes you in the wrong direction. It's a shame.

 

[Bender]

There is so much to unpack in this article, but it explains my brain in such a lucid (and vivid) manner. The author makes a good point about the sensationalism around a celebrity's death and the subsequent and fervent calls to action that follow. But for others, the thoughts of suicide (in my and the author's case), are chronic, yet passive. It's not "I want to kill myself", it's "I don't want to live."

The Outline: I am not always very attached to being alive; Anna Borges

I wish there was a nicer way to say this, but I don?t always want to be alive. Right now, I don?t actively want to kill myself ? I don?t have a plan, I don?t check the majority of the boxes on lists of warning signs of suicide, I have a life I enjoy and I?m curious about the future ? but the fact remains, I don?t always feel strongly about being alive and sometimes, on particularly bad days, I truly want to die.

Because I can manage it [chronic, passive suicidal ideation], and the ocean is nice sometimes. The sun comes out and the current calms, and I can find peace in the drifting. Maybe there isn?t hope of land in the distance; maybe sometimes there is. Maybe that?s not the point.

Perhaps what I?m looking for isn?t land at all, but other people out here with me. Trying, and treading, and learning to live in the water.

One factor in my life story living with depression is the lack of social connectedness. It's an issue that pervades our modern society. Loneliness in such a technologically connected world is a plague. I can't tell you how important participating in tmlfans.ca is to my life. It's a means for me to connect. I've never met a single person in real life from this site, but I've had casual conversations and discussions for almost 20 years now.

Here's "In a Nutshell" describing loneliness:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3Xv_g3g-mA

Reach out. Stay strong.

I read this article - it's pretty powerful. I agree with the sentiments here, we focus so strongly on either or, A or B, happy or depressed and it's kind of wrongheaded in a way and I think lots of people slip through the cracks. I connect pretty strongly with this article depending on how I feel. I don't feel it right this second but sometimes when it's a miserable day and I'm slogging away at work and it feels like I'm just going backwards I get there and that's when I feel disconnected and, like the author says, out in the middle of the ocean without a lifejacket. I think it really drives home the need for good, strong connections between people and open discussion about this kind of feeling people get.

 

[Kin]

I know this is late, but I loved him, he was by far my favourite TV personality today and one of my favourite all time. Seemed like such a cool, true, authentic guy. Unfortunately after reading Kitchen Confidential and later Medium Raw you could see that there was always a chance of something like this happening (he idolized Hunter S Thompson when he was young) and while he seemed to have gotten his life back on track sometimes something just pushes you in the wrong direction. It's a shame.

Yeah, I mean, one of the things I always admired about him was his openness and honesty and one of the things he was always open and honest about was his history of depression and struggles with addiction.

 

[Guilt Trip]

Thx for sharing Bullfrog.

 

[50 Mission Cap]

I know this is late, but I loved him, he was by far my favourite TV personality today and one of my favourite all time. Seemed like such a cool, true, authentic guy. Unfortunately after reading Kitchen Confidential and later Medium Raw you could see that there was always a chance of something like this happening (he idolized Hunter S Thompson when he was young) and while he seemed to have gotten his life back on track sometimes something just pushes you in the wrong direction. It's a shame.

Yeah, I mean, one of the things I always admired about him was his openness and honesty and one of the things he was always open and honest about was his history of depression and struggles with addiction.

Full disclosure, I'm an alcoholic. It explains my absence for so long. I went to treatment in September 2016 after being admitted to hospital in very rough shape. My liver and pancreas were failing. I've spent since then battling my addiction. I attend AA 5 times a week, see an addictions counselor once a week.

But this disease is insidious. It's always waiting to get it's claws back into you. It's cost me my marriage and a few friends along the way. Last October I relapsed after just over 2 years of sobriety. I continued until April 11 when I checked myself into the Pembroke hospital to go into their monitored withdrawal protocol. I've been sober since then. But I've found it very tough. In AA we call it white knuckling it. So I took matters into my hands. Determined to finally give it up for good. As I write this I'm in rehab. On Wednesday I checked myself into a treatment facility in North Bay for 21 days.

Sharing for a lot of addicts is a form of recovery. Talking openly and honestly about our addiction helps us to find peace. It's also good for those who suffer in silence to hear that there is hope. And putting up your hand to ask for help is the most courageous thing you can do.

I can't guarantee I'll be sober forever. No addict can. But I guarantee that I'll fight like the devil to get my life to where I know it can be. A better a version of me.

Thanks for listening.

Kevin

 

[Bullfrog]

And thanks for sharing, Kevin. Sharing is also courageous. We're glad to have you back.


I'm at an interesting point. I'm healthier than I've been in a long time; aside from a rough day here-and-there, no major depression. My last appointment with my therapist was on Friday where he discussed discharging me as a patient.

What a scary thought. Being let loose because I'm healthy has caused my anxiety to rise a bit.....but of course I'm able to manage it better now because of the therapy.

I've decided to volunteer as a peer support worker in order to stay involved. During my therapy, I've discovered my strong calling to help people. I don't have the time or resources to switch careers at this point, but I'm looking forward to it.

I've been warned that relapses will occur, and I imagine this is where some similarities with addition come in.

 

[Bates]

I know this is late, but I loved him, he was by far my favourite TV personality today and one of my favourite all time. Seemed like such a cool, true, authentic guy. Unfortunately after reading Kitchen Confidential and later Medium Raw you could see that there was always a chance of something like this happening (he idolized Hunter S Thompson when he was young) and while he seemed to have gotten his life back on track sometimes something just pushes you in the wrong direction. It's a shame.

Yeah, I mean, one of the things I always admired about him was his openness and honesty and one of the things he was always open and honest about was his history of depression and struggles with addiction.

Full disclosure, I'm an alcoholic. It explains my absence for so long. I went to treatment in September 2016 after being admitted to hospital in very rough shape. My liver and pancreas were failing. I've spent since then battling my addiction. I attend AA 5 times a week, see an addictions counselor once a week.

But this disease is insidious. It's always waiting to get it's claws back into you. It's cost me my marriage and a few friends along the way. Last October I relapsed after just over 2 years of sobriety. I continued until April 11 when I checked myself into the Pembroke hospital to go into their monitored withdrawal protocol. I've been sober since then. But I've found it very tough. In AA we call it white knuckling it. So I took matters into my hands. Determined to finally give it up for good. As I write this I'm in rehab. On Wednesday I checked myself into a treatment facility in North Bay for 21 days.

Sharing for a lot of addicts is a form of recovery. Talking openly and honestly about our addiction helps us to find peace. It's also good for those who suffer in silence to hear that there is hope. And putting up your hand to ask for help is the most courageous thing you can do.

I can't guarantee I'll be sober forever. No addict can. But I guarantee that I'll fight like the devil to get my life to where I know it can be. A better a version of me.

Thanks for listening.

Kevin

Good luck to you and keep on talking.  Whatever it takes to keep you moving. I am lucky enough to not have any demon addictions but have watched lives slip away. Stay strong and never be afraid or ashamed to ask for help.

 

[princedpw]

I know this is late, but I loved him, he was by far my favourite TV personality today and one of my favourite all time. Seemed like such a cool, true, authentic guy. Unfortunately after reading Kitchen Confidential and later Medium Raw you could see that there was always a chance of something like this happening (he idolized Hunter S Thompson when he was young) and while he seemed to have gotten his life back on track sometimes something just pushes you in the wrong direction. It's a shame.

Yeah, I mean, one of the things I always admired about him was his openness and honesty and one of the things he was always open and honest about was his history of depression and struggles with addiction.

Full disclosure, I'm an alcoholic. It explains my absence for so long. I went to treatment in September 2016 after being admitted to hospital in very rough shape. My liver and pancreas were failing. I've spent since then battling my addiction. I attend AA 5 times a week, see an addictions counselor once a week.

But this disease is insidious. It's always waiting to get it's claws back into you. It's cost me my marriage and a few friends along the way. Last October I relapsed after just over 2 years of sobriety. I continued until April 11 when I checked myself into the Pembroke hospital to go into their monitored withdrawal protocol. I've been sober since then. But I've found it very tough. In AA we call it white knuckling it. So I took matters into my hands. Determined to finally give it up for good. As I write this I'm in rehab. On Wednesday I checked myself into a treatment facility in North Bay for 21 days.

Sharing for a lot of addicts is a form of recovery. Talking openly and honestly about our addiction helps us to find peace. It's also good for those who suffer in silence to hear that there is hope. And putting up your hand to ask for help is the most courageous thing you can do.

I can't guarantee I'll be sober forever. No addict can. But I guarantee that I'll fight like the devil to get my life to where I know it can be. A better a version of me.

Thanks for listening.

Kevin

Thanks for sharing.  All the best.

 

[Britishbulldog]

Full disclosure, I'm an alcoholic. It explains my absence for so long. I went to treatment in September 2016 after being admitted to hospital in very rough shape. My liver and pancreas were failing. I've spent since then battling my addiction. I attend AA 5 times a week, see an addictions counselor once a week.

But this disease is insidious. It's always waiting to get it's claws back into you. It's cost me my marriage and a few friends along the way. Last October I relapsed after just over 2 years of sobriety. I continued until April 11 when I checked myself into the Pembroke hospital to go into their monitored withdrawal protocol. I've been sober since then. But I've found it very tough. In AA we call it white knuckling it. So I took matters into my hands. Determined to finally give it up for good. As I write this I'm in rehab. On Wednesday I checked myself into a treatment facility in North Bay for 21 days.

Sharing for a lot of addicts is a form of recovery. Talking openly and honestly about our addiction helps us to find peace. It's also good for those who suffer in silence to hear that there is hope. And putting up your hand to ask for help is the most courageous thing you can do.

I can't guarantee I'll be sober forever. No addict can. But I guarantee that I'll fight like the devil to get my life to where I know it can be. A better a version of me.

Thanks for listening.

Kevin

Thanks for sharing!

You will be in my thoughts and prayers in New Brunswick, Canada

 

[Kin]

Full disclosure, I'm an alcoholic. It explains my absence for so long. I went to treatment in September 2016 after being admitted to hospital in very rough shape. My liver and pancreas were failing. I've spent since then battling my addiction. I attend AA 5 times a week, see an addictions counselor once a week.

But this disease is insidious. It's always waiting to get it's claws back into you. It's cost me my marriage and a few friends along the way. Last October I relapsed after just over 2 years of sobriety. I continued until April 11 when I checked myself into the Pembroke hospital to go into their monitored withdrawal protocol. I've been sober since then. But I've found it very tough. In AA we call it white knuckling it. So I took matters into my hands. Determined to finally give it up for good. As I write this I'm in rehab. On Wednesday I checked myself into a treatment facility in North Bay for 21 days.

Sharing for a lot of addicts is a form of recovery. Talking openly and honestly about our addiction helps us to find peace. It's also good for those who suffer in silence to hear that there is hope. And putting up your hand to ask for help is the most courageous thing you can do.

I can't guarantee I'll be sober forever. No addict can. But I guarantee that I'll fight like the devil to get my life to where I know it can be. A better a version of me.

Thanks for listening.

Kevin

Sorry to hear you've had a tough go of it but I'm glad to hear you're fighting the fight and getting yourself into a better place. I've had family members go through a similar battle so I know you've got a tough road ahead but I also know that there can be light at the end of that tunnel. I think I can speak for the old timers here when I say we're rooting for you and that if you ever need to drop a line to chat, you're always welcome. 

 

[Guilt Trip]

Thanks for sharing Kevin. Sending you positive vibes and wishing you the best!

 

[WhatIfGodWasALeaf]

Full disclosure, I'm an alcoholic. It explains my absence for so long. I went to treatment in September 2016 after being admitted to hospital in very rough shape. My liver and pancreas were failing. I've spent since then battling my addiction. I attend AA 5 times a week, see an addictions counselor once a week.

But this disease is insidious. It's always waiting to get it's claws back into you. It's cost me my marriage and a few friends along the way. Last October I relapsed after just over 2 years of sobriety. I continued until April 11 when I checked myself into the Pembroke hospital to go into their monitored withdrawal protocol. I've been sober since then. But I've found it very tough. In AA we call it white knuckling it. So I took matters into my hands. Determined to finally give it up for good. As I write this I'm in rehab. On Wednesday I checked myself into a treatment facility in North Bay for 21 days.

Sharing for a lot of addicts is a form of recovery. Talking openly and honestly about our addiction helps us to find peace. It's also good for those who suffer in silence to hear that there is hope. And putting up your hand to ask for help is the most courageous thing you can do.

I can't guarantee I'll be sober forever. No addict can. But I guarantee that I'll fight like the devil to get my life to where I know it can be. A better a version of me.

Thanks for listening.

Kevin

Sorry to hear you've had a tough go of it but I'm glad to hear you're fighting the fight and getting yourself into a better place. I've had family members go through a similar battle so I know you've got a tough road ahead but I also know that there can be light at the end of that tunnel. I think I can speak for the old timers here when I say we're rooting for you and that if you ever need to drop a line to chat, you're always welcome.

+1

Pulling for you old buddy. PM?s are always there if you need to vent.

 

[herman]

Thank you for sharing, Kevin. That is very brave.
This disease does not own you or define you.

 

[Boston Leaf]

I know this is late, but I loved him, he was by far my favourite TV personality today and one of my favourite all time. Seemed like such a cool, true, authentic guy. Unfortunately after reading Kitchen Confidential and later Medium Raw you could see that there was always a chance of something like this happening (he idolized Hunter S Thompson when he was young) and while he seemed to have gotten his life back on track sometimes something just pushes you in the wrong direction. It's a shame.

Yeah, I mean, one of the things I always admired about him was his openness and honesty and one of the things he was always open and honest about was his history of depression and struggles with addiction.

Full disclosure, I'm an alcoholic. It explains my absence for so long. I went to treatment in September 2016 after being admitted to hospital in very rough shape. My liver and pancreas were failing. I've spent since then battling my addiction. I attend AA 5 times a week, see an addictions counselor once a week.

But this disease is insidious. It's always waiting to get it's claws back into you. It's cost me my marriage and a few friends along the way. Last October I relapsed after just over 2 years of sobriety. I continued until April 11 when I checked myself into the Pembroke hospital to go into their monitored withdrawal protocol. I've been sober since then. But I've found it very tough. In AA we call it white knuckling it. So I took matters into my hands. Determined to finally give it up for good. As I write this I'm in rehab. On Wednesday I checked myself into a treatment facility in North Bay for 21 days.

Sharing for a lot of addicts is a form of recovery. Talking openly and honestly about our addiction helps us to find peace. It's also good for those who suffer in silence to hear that there is hope. And putting up your hand to ask for help is the most courageous thing you can do.

I can't guarantee I'll be sober forever. No addict can. But I guarantee that I'll fight like the devil to get my life to where I know it can be. A better a version of me.

Thanks for listening.

Kevin

Keep fighting Kevin, you are worth it.. I have battled a gambling addiction my whole life. I identify totally with lost marriage, loss of friends, loss of job etc.. I have been clean over 22 years but still make at least 3 meetings a week. Ya never know.. Keep at it Kevin, glad you are talking about it

 

[LittleHockeyFan]

How incredibly brave and courageous of you, Kevin.

wishing you all the best xoxo

 

[Zee]

I know this is late, but I loved him, he was by far my favourite TV personality today and one of my favourite all time. Seemed like such a cool, true, authentic guy. Unfortunately after reading Kitchen Confidential and later Medium Raw you could see that there was always a chance of something like this happening (he idolized Hunter S Thompson when he was young) and while he seemed to have gotten his life back on track sometimes something just pushes you in the wrong direction. It's a shame.

Yeah, I mean, one of the things I always admired about him was his openness and honesty and one of the things he was always open and honest about was his history of depression and struggles with addiction.

Full disclosure, I'm an alcoholic. It explains my absence for so long. I went to treatment in September 2016 after being admitted to hospital in very rough shape. My liver and pancreas were failing. I've spent since then battling my addiction. I attend AA 5 times a week, see an addictions counselor once a week.

But this disease is insidious. It's always waiting to get it's claws back into you. It's cost me my marriage and a few friends along the way. Last October I relapsed after just over 2 years of sobriety. I continued until April 11 when I checked myself into the Pembroke hospital to go into their monitored withdrawal protocol. I've been sober since then. But I've found it very tough. In AA we call it white knuckling it. So I took matters into my hands. Determined to finally give it up for good. As I write this I'm in rehab. On Wednesday I checked myself into a treatment facility in North Bay for 21 days.

Sharing for a lot of addicts is a form of recovery. Talking openly and honestly about our addiction helps us to find peace. It's also good for those who suffer in silence to hear that there is hope. And putting up your hand to ask for help is the most courageous thing you can do.

I can't guarantee I'll be sober forever. No addict can. But I guarantee that I'll fight like the devil to get my life to where I know it can be. A better a version of me.

Thanks for listening.

Kevin

I echo the thoughts of others on here Kevin, we're all behind you to keep fighting the good fight. Hour by hour, day by day you can tackle this thing.  You'll find nothing but support in these boards.